That One Opportunity!

I was walking towards the exit when I saw him. For a moment, I stopped. Everything around me came to halt. Sky- blue colored straight jeans with button-down black shirt made him look more handsome than usual. I was stunned. Not just by his unusual appearance but also by his presence. He was walking through the corridor gazing thoughtfully at some documents. Heard somebody clapping, and I got my conscious back. I turned myself and pretended to complete some unfinished business.

 “Excuse me?”  My face was hidden under my tousled hair. I couldn’t see him but I knew it was him. I could never forget his dead- husky voice; it keeps vibrating my cochlea touching my heart every time. I closed my eyes tight and swallowed some air.

I turned my face around him so that I could face him.  “Yes?” My eyes were as wide and as hard as they could be. I looked directly in his small black colored eyes for a second. It still had this quaint pain that always had attracted me towards him. I looked away.  One more second will make me fall for him all over again. I looked away and tremulously smiled at some random guy whom I didn’t even know.

He frowned. His wide eyes looked at me, and he smiled as if he was happy to see me. “I… Ella? What are you…? How are you?” His happy-smiley face compelled me to be antithetical to my character; there is something with him that makes me go all anti-me. And after all these years, I’m still finding why?  “You wanted to ask something?” I raised my left eyebrow, “What is it?”

He gave me a look of “What is wrong with you?” But he was to cool to ask me that. “Yeah, I was looking for administration office. I couldn’t find it. Do you know where it is?” He asked.  While ignoring having an eye-contact with him, I explained him the directions. He didn’t move. He was still standing there, right in front of me. I shook my shoulder and my eyes asked him why was he still standing?

He answered my unasked question by an unanswerable question, “Would you walk me there?” Seriously, what the hell did he think I’m going to answer? “Oh of course, I was dying for this opportunity,” or “Sure, why not. I would love to.” I gave him this death-stare, took a deep breath and started to walk towards the administration office.

“Here,” I said while gesturing with my right hand.  And then he asked the question whose answer could change my life. I had this one moment in my life where either I could repeat my mistake or alter it.

 “Can we meet at coffee later today?

But I wanted this moment to come a decade ago, why now?  What the hell does he want from me now? Can’t he leave me alone?  I wish I would have left the building when I first saw him.

I took a deep breath, looked into his eyes. I wanted him to see every single pain he had given me. I wanted to show him that I fell apart when he made me a divorcee. And I’m still like that and nobody can make me the same again. I smiled staring in his eyes said NO and left. I never turned back. I never answered his Why because I couldn’t just let him know that I still love him and always will do.
But now I live my life with the belief that he wanted to apologize to me that day.I chose not to repeat my mistake. I chose to be happy. I chose to live.